Model mentors:  Local program matches adults, students in successful second year
January 17, 2007, Melrose Free Press (Massachusetts)

By CAROL BROOKS BALL

For the fifth year in a row, groups both local and national in scope have celebrated National Mentoring Month in January. The cause was led by the Harvard Mentoring Project, a group called MENTOR, and the Corporation for National and Community Service based in Washington, D.C.

Locally, Mayor Dolan issued a proclamation Tuesday night officially recognizing January as National Mentoring Month throughout the city of Melrose.

No one knows better about the impact of mentoring than those who have either been mentored by someone or have reaped the benefits of serving as a mentor.

The Melrose CARES Community Mentoring Program, funded by a federal grant obtained through the Melrose Alliance Against Violence (MAAV), began in July 2005 and has sought to make a difference ever since in the lives of seventh-grade students at the middle school.

Melrose CARES (which stands for Connecting Adolescents to Resources, Education and Services) matches seventh-grade students with adult volunteer mentors.

“It takes village to raise a child … if you have good villagers,” said Mary Bamberg, whose son, John Paul Bamberg, 13, took part in the mentoring program when he was in seventh grade. The Bambergs, who have since moved to Arvada, Colo., are probably the organization’s greatest success story — John Paul and his mentor, Melrose Recreation Director Chuck Person, are still in touch some two years later.

Jackie Lavender Bird, program coordinator for the Melrose CARES Community Mentoring Program, said the program is only open to seventh-grade students for a reason.

“The seventh-grade year is a pivotal year for students — emotionally, socially and academically. This way, mentors are in place as the students enter eighth grade and continue on to high school,” she said.

Lavender Bird said her organization works with Julie Brady, the middle school’s seventh-grade guidance counselor, to invite seventh-grade students into the mentoring program and create the right matches with a mentor.

Oversight for Melrose CARES comes from a 12-member steering committee, which includes middle school students.

“They oversee the implementation of the grant that funds the program,” Lavender Bird said. “They give us tremendous feedback.”

A program is born
The program began in 2005 after Rebecca Mooney, executive director of MAAV, obtained a grant for the mentoring project through a federal Youth Violence Prevention Grant. Lavender Bird was hired to coordinate the program, which began that fall. John Paul, who prefers “Paul,” was invited to join the program by Brady and was later matched with mentor Chuck Person. That first year, nine adults signed on as volunteer mentors. This year, there are 12, and one additional person who served as a mentor last year and will continue this year as an assistant to Lavender Bird.

The group meets at the Common Ground Teen Center at the Hope Alliance Church in Melrose.

Several factors may exist for a student to be asked to join the mentoring program, Lavender Bird said, explaining that the program is open to “any student who could use a consistent, caring adult.”

 “It’s a whole range — some kids have a single parent, some have two parents at home; some have just moved here, some have been here forever; or it could be that kids are having trouble making friends.”

Most of all, Lavender Bird stressed, “They are kids who also demonstrate a great deal of potential. What I like is that students come to the first [mentor program] meeting not knowing why each other was asked to join! They are a great group of kids, and each comes with his or her own set of talents and expectations for what they want to get out of the program.”

For Paul, it was a timing issue that ending up working in his favor.

“He was going into the seventh grade,” said his mother, Mary Bamberg. “I heard about program through Julie Brady, Paul’s guidance counselor at the Franklin Campus [of the middle school]. She told me they try to match up mentors with young men and women who might find it beneficial. Paul was new to Melrose; we’d only been there a year.”

Without a father present in his life, Bamberg knew her son could use a male role model. “When he was younger, I had him in the Big Brother program but there wasn’t that great of a match. Jackie [Lavender Bird] and Julie [Brady] couldn’t have come up with a better match.”

Enter Chuck Person, head of the city’s recreation department, a married father of two boys, and the mentor selected to be matched with Paul.

“MAAV had advertised the mentoring program in the Free Press and I called them,” Person remembers. “I did Big Brother for nine years in Malden. I come from a very large family; I’m the youngest of 13 kids.

“I had mentors at Malden High School — a math teacher and a police officer,” Person continued. “I owe my life to them. That’s why I always said if I could be in a position to give back to a kid, I would. That’s why I work in recreation now; I spent years in high tech and it just wasn’t enough. I’ve also always coached — little league, basketball and more. I always try to give something back.”

Group meetings, then one-on-one
Lavender Bird explained that the Melrose CARES Mentoring Program is structure to allow the mentors and students a chance to slowly, safely get to know each other.

“Our program blends two different types of models: mentoring in a group setting and then individual mentoring,” she said. At the beginning of each school year, Lavender Bird said, “We all meet for six consecutive group meetings that are 1 1/2 hours long, that we try to jam-pack with fun. Then we switch to meeting once a month as a group, and the mentors and students meet in their pairs once a month as well. This gives mentors and students six weeks to get to know each other before meeting one-on-one.”

Lavender Bird said she uses a lot of “ice-breaker activities” to get the mentors and students comfortable and engaged. These activities have included outdoor events, guest speakers and other outings. Parents of students don’t attend any of the meetings, but do meet the selected mentor ahead of time before their child does.

Mentor and students are always same-sex parings, according to Lavender Bird. “It seemed to be pretty typical of mentoring programs and we decided to stick with that model.”

For many of the mentors and their students, one-on-one activities include those similar to what Chuck and Paul enjoyed — going out to dinner, to the movies, playing video games, going bowling and the like.

“In the first few weeks, we go paint-balling, and we went to see really funny movies,” Paul said in a phone conversation from Colorado. “Me and Chuck, we had fun; we’d joke around with each other. I would go over to his house and his kids and he and I would play four-player video games. We went to baseball games.”

Person’s own two children, Ryan, a sixth grader and Travis, a fifth grader, and Paul hit it off as well, leading to many outings as a foursome.

“The boys would shoot paintball guns and watch movies. When my son Ryan would play in a baseball game against J.P. I’d get up and [teasingly] BOO J.P.! It was no big deal for my wife, Dina. My house is a cool place to hang out in. It’s fine. She saw the use to me through volunteering. Some people bring home stray cats, and I bring home kids!”

For Mary Bamberg, seeing the influence and positive impact Person had on her son was especially endearing.

“Chuck made Paul feel important,” she said. “Dina, Chuck’s wife, and their boys, Ryan and Travis, all really got along. Paul had a great time; he relaxed, and he got to know other people in Melrose. His comfort level and ability to relax really improved with Chuck. They went bowling, hiking over by Spot Pond and other things. They went to movies and some overnights. If Chuck was emcee at a basketball game, Chuck would invite him to come along.

“It helped him get to know other kids that he really enjoyed and had fun with. When Chuck and Paul are together, they just laugh.”

The mentoring program for Paul came at a critical point in his life, in addition to the emotional roller coaster of seventh grade.

“Midway through sixth grade, he was diagnosed with vasodepressor syncope, a condition which makes him faint due to fluid imbalance,” Bamberg explained. “He passed out several times, and it eventually restricted his ability to go bike riding and do other activities. He had to take salt tablets to maintain fluid, and he still has to eat a lot of salty foods to help retain the fluid. It really limited his ability to go our and have a good time.

“At one point, he was having some behavioral problems at school and I really thought it might be due to his fluid imbalance. Julie [Brady] set up a meeting with his teachers and then I took [their feedback] to Paul’s doctors and they adjusted his medication, and then we saw a big difference. That summer was when he met Chuck.”

Person helped Paul mange his condition with gentle but firm reminders for Paul to take his medications and drink fluids.

“We just talked in general and I served as a male role model,” Person said. “We talked a lot about school activities and I told him I’d kick his butt if I heard he didn’t do well! We talked a lot about staying out of trouble.”

Now, with Paul being out in Colorado, he and Person communicate as often as they can, keeping in touch either by e-mail or telephone. “That works out well,” Person said.

Mentors get mentored
When asked what he would say to a student considering joining the mentoring program, Paul answered, “I’d say go ahead! Jackie [Lavender Bird] organized everything — none of this would have been able to happen without her. She organized programs to help us get comfortable with each other [the kids]. Rebecca [Mooney] helped a lot with games, activities and getting people there as well. And I lucked out with the best mentor! Chuck was funny and you could hang around with him and do absolutely nothing and have fun.”

He admitted that his attitude toward students in the program changed by being a participant.

“There were people in the mentoring program who I’d looked down on and thought were weird and had bullied in school. When I got to know them, I stopped. And here, [in Colorado], I don’t even bother with that.”

Person was humble when asked how much he thinks he may have helped Paul.

“I think he [J.P.] was my mentor and I was the mentoree,” he said. “I learned from him. It just made me realize how much of a difference you can make in a young man’s life by offering support. It made me remember that not every kid has two parents.

“He is a very mature kid and has a good head on his shoulders. I was blessed to have J.P. I learned so much from him.”

And how is Paul doing after the transition of moving, making new friends — and leaving his mentor and friend?

“The adjustment out here is going OK,” Bamberg said. “Their relationship made it hard for Paul to move but their keeping in touch has helped. We got a Web cam and Chuck has one he’s going to be setting up, and that will be help. We came back to Melrose the week after Christmas last month, and Paul spent time with Ryan and Travis, and Jackie [Lavender Bird] came over as well.

 “Paul brought a good foundation out here him with him,” Bamberg continued. “He’s on the honor roll now and he’s comfortable with who he is. He learned, I think, by getting to know Chuck and by moving out here, that he doesn’t have to jump in. He can take his time and get to know people.

“Kids can go one way or the other. A positive influence can make all the difference. I can’t say enough about the middle school, the help of middle school assistant principal Marty Stanton, the mentoring program, and Julie and Chuck and Jackie.”