Mentors connect with Farmington Youths
January 19, 2007, Minnesota This Week Newspapers

By BROOKE M. WALSH

Val Cover sits in the Farmington Middle School East auditorium making small talk with Lisa Wagner, mother to Katie Jo Wagner, whom Cover mentors.

They talk about the weather and swap New Year’s Eve stories as though they were old friends. Of course, the only thing that has brought them together is Katie.

“I don’t have any kids, so this is new to me,” Cover says as Lisa recounts the many events she has been to.

January is National Mentoring Month –– a month set aside to celebrate those in mentor-mentee relationships.

Katie sings in the choir performance, then greets both women excitedly, embracing Cover in a long hug.

Cover heard about Kids ’n Kinship, the program through which she met Katie, when she read an article about a mentor-mentee relationship a little over a year ago.

“It just sounded so cool,” Cover said.

So she went through the process of becoming a mentor, which included filling out a questionnaire, going through a background check and being interviewed. After attending training sessions, she met Katie.

“It feels like I have another older sister,” Katie said. “I talk to her about my crushes and my heartbreaks.”

Cover smiles, noting that she has a lot of crushes.

“I get to see what it’s like to be a 13-year-old,” she said. “It’s really kind of fun to think about that stuff again.”

Katie’s urge to have a mentor was inspired by the positive experiences her older sisters had in the Big Brothers Big Sisters (BBBS) program.

She said that when their mentors would come to pick them up, she always wanted to tag along.

Now that she has a mentor, it is her younger brother, Duncan, who wants to tag along.


Male mentors

“They really need male mentors,” Cover said.

Farmington resident Jessie Barghultz, who also mentors for Kids ’n Kinship, realized this when she entered the program.

“When I went into the program, I actually wanted a boy,” she said.

Barghultz felt her interest in outdoor activities and sports might fit better with a male mentee, but Kids ’n Kinship does not normally allow female mentors to take on male mentees. Neither does BBBS. Both have similar reasons for this policy.

“When a parent places a boy on our waiting list, it is usually because he has a need for a male role model,” Kids ’n Kinship Director Jan Belmore said.

Farmington resident Jon Walsh, who mentors Dominic Peterson through BBBS, said he noticed the lack of male mentors even before becoming involved as a Big Brother.

“They’ve always had a problem,” he said.

“I think some of it just really stems around the traditional roles of men and women,” said Joy Quaidoo, BBBS of the Greater Twin Cities director for community relations and recruitment. “I think women tend to step up more due to that maternal instinct.”
BBBS is actively combating this problem, conducting research to uncover how it can better recruit men.

“We’ve been very creative about looking for ways to gain the attention of men,” Quaidoo said.

They found that while women respond to group presentations, men prefer being contacted directly.

“With men you have to be much more direct,” she said. “I feel I have had more success reaching them one-on-one or through another male.”

As part of its project to recruit more men, BBBS of the Greater Twin Cities created the 100 Men Campaign in order to recruit more African-American men. Since creating the project, BBBS has seen a 40 percent increase in African-American male mentors.


Life as a mentor

Walsh started volunteering with children as a camp counselor a few years ago. At camp, he met many children and helped them learn, but he wanted something more.

“I wanted to see the kid grow and develop; and, I didn’t get to see that,” he said.
With his mentee, Dominic, Walsh gets that chance.

“We’re like a big brother and little brother,” Walsh said. “I’m a kid at heart, so that’s why I think it makes it easier for me.”

Walsh, who was adopted as a child from Korea, enjoys sharing traditional food with Dominic.

“He really likes Korean food,” Walsh said.

Dominic enjoys bragging about the foods he is eating to his cousin, who is living in Korea, and even said he wants to visit one day.

When they get together, they play video games and talk. But their favorite adventure was a BBBS-sponsored trip to Itasca State Park last year.

“He loved it; I loved it,” Walsh said. “Plus, he got to interact with other Bigs and Littles.”
Both BBBS and Kids ’n Kinship sponsor events for their mentors and mentees.

Cover and Katie are looking forward to one that will be held at Skateworld in Lakeville in the near future.

“We’re definitely going to that,” Katie said.

Cover and Katie spend a lot of time “just hanging out,” as Katie puts it. But they also enjoy movies, partly because Katie is interested in acting.

“If I don’t get into acting, or be an author, I want to sing,” she said.

“When I was a kid, I didn’t really have any aspirations; I really didn’t know what I wanted to do,” Cover said. “So, I think it’s great that she is focusing in.”

The support Cover gives Katie is something Katie might not get if she weren’t around. This is true in many mentor-mentee situations.

Barghultz mentors Amanda Dawson, who sought a mentor because she did not feel she was getting enough attention at home.

“I was having a hard time with my family and I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with, like, any family,” she said.

Barghultz, who had moved from Montana to Minnesota and does not have any family in the area, joined Kids ’n Kinship for similar reasons –– she wanted to connect with someone else.

Although Dawson was shy at first, the two are now good friends, holding sleepovers where they eat junk food and watch movies.

“When you become an adult and are not around a lot of kids you forget how simple it can be to have a good time and to laugh,” Barghultz said.

Although Barghultz does not have family in the area, she leads a busy life filled with work, trips to the gym and spending time with friends. Yet, she does not say that it has been very difficult to keep her commitment to Dawson.

“I think the amount of time we spend together is so rewarding,” she said.

Similarly, Walsh is able to maintain his life at 31 –– with a career and girlfriend –– while mentoring.

“I’m able to balance it out,” he said.

“They’re just looking for time.” Barghultz said. “I don’t think they’re too picky on specific time.”

For more information about BBBS or Kids ’n Kinship visit their Web sites at www.bbbs.org or www.kidsnkinship.org.

Brooke M. Walsh can be contacted at brooke.walsh@ecm-inc.com.